igotcha.enuf

freestyle. freestyle. freestyle.

proud to present to you the number one trap star kickin n cussin n clawin to get far straight to the top im goin w/this nigga, that nigga, yo nigga blowin

when i attempt this shit, it’s gonna pop like the center of a tootsie roll lollipop my raps be so outrageous knockin dust off that pussay like smokey

my mind bes all over the map cuz im constantly fightin for scraps scraps of the world seen through my eyes the blind faith i see in disguise with stealth movement of surprise hands down your stalker- ish shall survive

yea, none of that really made sense just thought i’d freestyle for a bit bcuz my brain is goin insane from the plethora of information obtained

bet you never heard plethora in a rap before while wavin the 44 and kickin in the front door biggie biggie please give me one more chance bcuz this rap shoulda been tossed in the trash can.

-bdl

don’t hate on the skills!

white.space

my heart is breaking. clueless of what to do

four walls of white space holding this dark secret inside entrapping this shadow of doubt

five walls of white space can’t break free strength can only take me so far it’s taking over me

five walls of white space empty as my soul despair kicks into full gear while heartache rides shotgun

not ready to face the world alone greatest fear has come true can see it in your eyes everytime I see you

don’t know what to do to stop the cycle blank canvas destroying my fate color please fill these white walls my heart can no longer wait.

gulit

bang bang bang, with me on the training line. training to be the best i can be. at whatever it is i wanna be. to be honest, i’m scared to shit. i don’t know what i want to be. dont know exactly what i want to get out of life. scratch that, i know what i want but don’t know how to get there. to achieve it. so i tend to say fuck it and forget about it.

there’s apart of me that just wants to let loose. let go of my inhibitions. be free to do whatever the fuck I want. fuck judgements. screw perceptions. cuss (not curse lol) all the damn well I feel like. formal writing can eat it. my english degree can suck a nice fat one. i want to suck a nice fat one. yea i said it. but that guilt mechanism is going to tear me a new one. guilt. its a steady dosage. the remodel role can go to hell. writing is my release. no restrictions. no constraints. no obligations. but somehow i get stuck.

im freaking out! so much to do. my mind has been reduced to thinking in short bursts. thanks fbook and twitter. guilt will always hold me back. its been a 23 year relationship i cannot get rid of. im held hostage.

short.term.commitment.

i get obsessed with things too easy sometimes. my passion is so overwhelming that it crosses into stalkerish territory. but i’m ok with that. becAuse i’m truly not OnE…

and no, i’m not talking about people. well maybe sometimes. more so projects, hobbies. lately it’s been reading blogs of different gay guys. some that are discovering themselves, not out of the closet yet and some established, just chronicling their lives through web 2.0. seeking support, friendship, companionship. an outlet online that they probably can’t find in person: at least not at this particular point in their lives. or maybe it’s a creative outlet. all in all, whatever the reason, it’s some interesting shit to read.

i’ve even set up an rss feed on my iPhone to inform me when one of my favorite blogs has been updated. i mean, of course, i have other feeds to read; daily news, my techy stuff, sports and music. but to be quite honest, it’s set up to sta- eh hem- reAd my latest obession.

it all started as a kid. my first true obsession, food.

nEveR stopped

moved on to music

never stopped

than sports. reading. writing. poetry. boys.

all of which i never truly stopped even though i attepted to be obsessed with girls to appease ppl. that was just wrong. ew.

no hetero.

later on, these obsessions developed sub-categories or genres.

authors. books. artists. names of boys i shall not mention…

drums. success.
keyboard. epic fail
singing. major success.
flute. epic fail.
volunteering. success.
dance. semi success.
guitar. fail (for now)

i’m a short-term commitment kind of guy. ive learned that. ive come to terms with it. i mean, of course, i have a couple of long term commitments in my life. and i need those for stability. what’s life without family, friends and that special someone to share it all with?! but just as i am great with short-term memory, i guess i’ve mastered this brief commitment affair.

at least I’m not your average male terrified of the dreaded C word. just that my latest commitment is a place holder for something new, different within a small time period.

i wonder if there are any other of you out there that suffer from short-term commitment?

-bdl

p.s. three weeks of no ice cream and i feel great!!!

Test

Just seeing if this will actually work :)